Moving Stones: Intentionality Prevents Stress-...suggestions for preparing for next year now

---

We're all pretty full of Spring around here and counting the nanoseconds to the last day of school. Maybe you're feeling burnt out or have the April Blahs like I did. Here's a blog I wrote about overcoming burn out last week and below are some tips our family uses for preventing burn out next year.

 

This was written for the families at Jill Dixon's Eclectic Academy of Learning but I believe the principles in most steps are applicable to everyone. (Don't have an EAL in your area? You can start one! Find out here.)

Suggestions- Getting ready for the new school year:

Starting the year with a plan will alleviate stress and make it clear to the child (and the parent) what success looks like so they feel empowered to succeed instead of trying to hit a moving target blind folded faced in the opposite direction.

This clip art is what I wished I looked like when I'm stressed out but alas,
I am neither that svelte or that fashionable. And look at her hair! Fabulous.
But I do make a mess like she is so that's something, right?

I hope these suggestions will relieve you of some stress as the new school year looms and you evaluate how the past year has gone. Taking a few minutes to write down a simple plan has been a great help to me. This looks different in each home. For highly organized, structured people it may look like a power point presentation with handouts and a spread sheet. For others it's a quickly scratched 'to do' list posted on the fridge with coffee stains on it.  I am an organizationally challenged, undiagnosed ADD Mom and recovering procrastinator. This means I'm very creative and flexible but I need some structural parameters to help guide me and my kids even in my relaxed home environment. It has made a big difference in helping me enjoy my summer and start the new year with confidence.

Step 1: Begin purchasing books from the book list(s) as soon as possible to insure availability and best price on used book sites. Try to have all books purchased by July 4th as prices will spike and availability lessens.

Step 2: Attend Learning Styles Workshop with middle school/high school students for learning styles assessment and interactive training to maximize teaching and learning at home with the EAL program. Date TBA in June. (Not in the Savannah area? You can do this at home with Jill Dixon's Concise Learning Styles Assessment.) Not only will your child maximize their learning potential but you may eliminate key areas of frustration in your homeschool by teaching to your child's strengths. This one thing may be the most effective change I made in my home school.

Step 3: Begin purchasing supplies and uniforms. Keep an eye out during the summer for emails from EAL teachers about suggested summer preparations for the school year.

Nothing gets kids excited like seeing
a bird poop on mom's head.

Step 4: Create excitement for the coming year's study by interacting with the history period before the school year begins by watching good movies, visiting area attractions, reading good books about the time period that are NOT on the booklist. Prepare a list of supplemental area activities to enhance your study during the year. Decide if any other subjects can be incorporated into the unit study (ie- science lessons that coincide with history figures such as Ben Franklin or Eli Whitney, etc.).

Step 5: Decide what your main goals are (no more than 5 at a time, 3 for younger children) for each child for the academic year and discuss them with your child. These should be specific goals with a clear explanation of 'success' for the child. This way you and your child have clear, realistic expectations to refer to as your guide during the year.  After you've made up your goals set them aside for a day or two then revisit them to make sure they are realistic. As the goals are reached new goals can be added as the achieved skills have become established routines and are removed from the list. It helps to have a reward system to encourage these goals (even grown ups perform better at work with incentives).I've observed that rewarding small attainable goals with small rewards works best to keep momentum going for the long term goals and larger rewards**. 

 

Examples of clear goals may include:

- completing all assigned writing steps in Write With The Best every week 

- working independently on a specific subject (ie- Grammar) first before asking mom for help 

- practicing math facts, study skills or SAT skills every day for 10-15 minutes

- coming up with and executing a time management study plan for all weekly assignments

 

 

Examples of small rewards for a job well done (hint: identify your child's 'currency'*)
- 15 minutes of screen time

- choice of book for family reading time

- a walk around the neighborhood or play time with Mom or Dad outside

- pick of that night's Red Box rental

- blue slushy from the local convenience store

- choice of dinner or desert

- community service card (doesn't have to do a chore)

 

Examples of big rewards for consistency over a longer time period (a week, 2 weeks, etc. Should correspond developmentally with your child)

- choice of next family outing (given guidelines by parents)

- money or gift card for subscription services like video games or iTunes

- new book or other item the child has been waiting for

- special dinner at home to celebrate the achievement

- money towards a large goal like camp or item they are saving up for

- friend fun night at your house

- time out with Mom & Dad and no siblings

 

I hope these suggestions help you as you wrap up this school year and prepare for the next. The goal in our house is progress-not perfection- and having a plan helps us through out the year when we find ourselves overwhelmed and need to reboot.

 

**Our family uses a reward program we started after completing a special 15 week program called Second Step at Savannah Child Study Center several years ago for our son with Asperger's. There are very specific steps and a structure which was very helpful for two ADD parents raising attention challenged kids. One of these days I will write more about the rewards and about the program. If your child has Asperger's, Autism, ADD, or emotional management issues then I cannot recommend enough the program at SCSC with Bonnie Craven. My 17 year old son would tell you that program was the most effective therapy we ever participated in and changed his life.  I truly thank God for leading our family there.

 

Moving Stones: The April Blahs....overcoming burnout and finishing the year strong

Is this you? You may have the April Blahs.

Years ago a sage, old woman laughingly told me, "I think God removes all memories of labor pains after we give birth. That way we won't let that stop us from having more babies."

This week I came to the realization that this is true of other challenging experiences that produce beautiful fruit including homeschooling. Every year I begin homeschooling again in August I am filled with anticipation and excitement. As the year progresses that euphoria changes and I think to myself on hard days, "Just wait till April, it will be (insert positive adjective that is the opposite of the struggle I am feeling that day)."

Somehow I have created this Utopian illusion that April is easier. I don't know where I got this idea but it has been there every year, "Just wait until April...."

Here's what I've realized: April is HARD! Every year April rolls around and I am mentally exhausted. And I know I'm not the only one. I keep running into bleary eyed and discouraged moms who have the April blahs.

April is when we are mentally assessing how the year has gone for each of our children in their education as well as other areas of their lives we are responsible for shepherding. We are also looking ahead to the coming 'new year' and making decisions that involve course corrections, continuing what 'ain't broken' and adding the next steps for each of our children in their journey.

We're tired and everyone has Spring Fever. The weather is beautiful and beckons to us to traipse through creation's wonders while the end of year wrap up calls us back to our 'desks'. Our kids have lost their minds with scholastic exhaustion and typical childlikeness so they are all for jumping ship and at times that seems like a really good idea.

So what are we to do?

I don't have all the answers but these are some things I do.

1) Reboot!
Sometimes my computer needs a system reboot and I have to clean out the creepy crawlies that have attached themselves to my operating system. I remind myself of the vision that has been given to me to fulfill for this school year. I re-examine it and remind myself of what the long term goals are for each of my children. This means I may toss out a few 'good' things that have gotten in the way of our goals. There are lots of opportunities that come my way that are 'good' but if they don't line up with my big goals then I sacrifice them. By doing this I am able to then focus on what are the most important things and help my family get back on track.

I also look back at the 5 R's of Homeschooling Jill Dixon talks about:

• Relationship with my God, my spouse, my children
• REAL learning
• Reading real books and learning to analyze them
• wRiting to communicate critical thinking
• aRithmetic goals for our family are mastery of the foundations

2)Refresh!
Do something to fill your tanks! I know I just said 'cast aside good things' if they don't meet the goals I have but one of those goals is joy filled learning. If a special opportunity shows up that truly will fill us with joy and not just be one more distraction then I will go for it.

REAL Learning means sometimes letting go of lesson plans.
 

An example was last week. We are currently learning about the Renaissance and Explorers. The replicas of Columbus' ships sailed into town. That day I 'threw out' our lessons for REAL learning.  We went on a field trip with other families because it would reinforce what we were learning as well as give both the kids and I a chance to enjoy the outdoors and our friends. We came home feeling revived from being with good friends and experiencing a unique, serendipitous moment that excited us about our studies.

The rest of the week I determined what academic lessons were the most important according to our goals and excused a couple of small things. This week there are other opportunities I'm saying 'no' to because we said 'yes' last week. There is a balance my kids need to learn between experiencing joyful learning and practicing the skills that will support their ability to pursue life (ie- meeting deadlines, research skills, communication skills in writing, etc.).  To have only 'fun' or only 'work' is not balance and not a realistic preparation for their lives.

3)Recalibrate!
It is also important for me to spend time refreshing my mind and my spirit. The business of life takes over and the most important things that actually keep me on the healthy path get cast aside. Recalibration doesn't have to take long but it does require intentional choices of how I spend my time, who I spend time with and what thoughts I dwell on.

I am currently saying 'yes' to being with people who will add to my mind and spirit and 'no' to what will drag me down. I think based on what is in my heart therefore
I need to examine what I am putting there and what influences I am allowing in my life. This takes discipline but even 15-20 minutes of praying, reading and worshiping alone daily or 20 minutes visiting with a friend who builds me up results in recalibrating my mind.

Sometimes this recalibration means rethinking solutions to problems. I delegate things to other people or I partner with other moms to come up with a solution to a roadblock (ie- working with other moms to find a way to teach things I struggle with like science or forming a study group to make an appointment for my family to learn which results in greater productivity).

We can't toss out all the things in our life that create stress or worry but we can adjust how we approach them.

In the end I have to remember I was called by Him to live life abundantly. His yoke is easy and his burden is light....as long as I follow close to him and stop trying to do this life thing on my own.

Want more tips on preventing the April Blahs and stress next year? Check my suggestions for preparing for next year now.

The Joy of Sorrow. The Gift of Grief.

 

 

My heart shattered on this day 18 years ago. On that day and the days afterwards I couldn't comprehend the possibility that I would dance and sing again in the presence of God. That day was the day I miscarried Isaac. I came home from the hospital aching in my body and deep in my soul. I felt his absence from within me just as I had felt his soul arrive.

 

There was an emptiness that felt like a pit and I cried out to Him without words what the psalmist said,"...to the Lord I plead for mercy: “What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!”

 

While I felt the world had stopped moving everyone else began to move forward. My family invited us to go with them to look at puppies the next day. How surreal to me but we went and came home with Moses. He filled my arms. That night I lay on the floor with him as he whimpered for his mother. The floor was cold and I lay with my head next to his. We cried together until we found comfort in each other. 

 

Beautiful women came and ministered to me with healing words and offers of hope. They told me I would rejoice again. I nodded because I trusted them but I didn't know how that would happen. 

 

My first Sunday back in church I presented my sacrificial offering of praise. "I do not understand your ways, God, but I love you. I question you. I shake my fist at you. I plead with you. I don't understand you but I love you." I was honest. I was raw. And He answered me.

 

In my grief He gave me a gift, a deep, abiding knowing. He loved me. Those words seem so simple but if you knew me, knew how I never felt secure in anyone's love, how I had grown up in brokenness, uncertainty and darkness then you would understand why that sudden knowledge of His steadfast, infinite love for me lifted the weight pressing me down into the pit.

 

The song ends this way:

 

 

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
    you have loosed my sackcloth
    and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
    O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! Psalm 30:11,12

 

I can say with certainty that this is true for me. It took a long time. Many years of moving forward experiencing fountains of joy but always bearing the scars of living in a broken world. More grief and pain would cross my path, as is the way of life, and days that felt heavier than that day we lost Isaac. But I was different. I held on to His promise of infinite love for me and I still do.

 

That is my anchor when the storm winds toss me around. This knowing of His infinite love for me is a part of me now, just as I know there will be air to fill my lungs with my next breath and the breath after that, I know He will never let me go.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Isaac

 

I heard you again today.

 

As the wind whispered past my ear,

soft laughter...a chime.

 

And I felt you.

A small hand grasping mine.

Soft, trusting.

 

Your locks catching gold and darker hues

in the shifting light

lifting, dancing in the breeze.

 

Your face turned to mine,

your eyes full of questioning...

your smile light.

 

but I'm afraid to speak,

my heart catches and my breath pauses...

a moment...you're gone.

 

I said a prayer...

and I wait...

my child.

 

 

 

This moment happened on an autumn day as I walked alone up my driveway to the house. I heard a sound, I felt something in my hand and I looked down and there he was, a small child.Time seemed to stand still and then he was gone. Nothing like it had ever happened to me before. It felt like a promise and I wrote it down and pondered it in my heart. Several months later I would learn I was pregnant with Isaac and then he was gone. During my grief I found this in my journal and it comforted me.

 

Compassion in Focus

I wonder what the neighborhood must have been thinking while they watched us from behind their curtains or from their porches as we knocked on people's doors. Three white people obviously on the wrong side of the tracks. "What possible reason could they have to be walking down their street? Didn't they know where they were?"

Yes, we did. We knew exactly where we were and we wanted to be there. We made a strange trio I'm sure. A 41 year old home schooling mom. A twenty-something computer programmer wearing a cool, retro style hipster cap. And a 15 year old home schooled teenager who towered over everyone there. We didn't exactly blend in. We must have looked like we were lost or selling something or with the IRS.

The House of Dreams and the Paddocks at the Free Yard Sale
our group Focus3 helped them with last month.
Some of the residents remembered us from that rainy day.

We were visiting houses in the neighborhood of the House of Dreams (The Dream Campaign) where Glen and Morgan Paddock serve the youth in the neighborhood and the people there with a message of hope and inspire the kids (and their parents) to dream. The neighborhood is a mixture of  run down homes most of which wouldn't pass COA regulations if inspected, a few small businesses, and artsy SCAD students.  A number of the residents were born in their homes over 80 years ago. Many are the working poor just struggling to keep the rotted roof over their head. And some are drug dealers and prostitutes. There's the crack house on the corner and the alley where business transactions are made in the light of day just a few yards from the newly installed basketball court at the House of Dreams where the neighborhood kids are starting to hang out.

We had been going door to door asking the residents if we could help them with any tangible needs they had like yard work or home repairs that could be done in an afternoon. Our church is pulling together the necessary resources for Compassion Day in a couple of months and we needed to find out what the specific needs were. We also were hoping to find 'persons of peace'(Luke 10:6). People in the neighborhood who would be an influence in their community.

Every time we knocked on a door we were greeted with skepticism and suspicion. With a crack house around the corner the law abiding residents had good reason to be concerned when strangers knocked on their doors. But once we shook hands and explained why we were their they very often breathed a sigh of relief. They often didn't know what to say. "How can you help me?" It seemed obvious to my friend Kyle, my son Nathan and me when we looked at their homes but perhaps they weren't used to someone wanting to help them. Or maybe it was that their need is so overwhelming they don't know where to start.



Miss Sunny was more concerned
for her 98 year neighbor
than for her own home.

And sometimes they were like Miss Sunny* who was far more concerned that we come back to talk to her 98 year old neighbor who was at church. "Her roof is leaking bad and her grandson is trying to get help from the city." I looked at Miss Sunny and her husband Ray* standing on their decaying porch with the 50 year old asbestos siding peeling off their house because of their water rotted roof and the squirrels living in their attic. She had recently lost her job but was a hair dresser by trade and she knew the Paddocks because the House of Dreams was the only safe place her son could play. This family's needs were shouting at me but she cared more about her neighbor getting help.

We continued on energized by our visit with Miss Sunny & Ray but most people weren't home or didn't answer their doors. It was getting a bit discouraging because we wanted to help the people there but who could blame them for being wary of us.

Then there was Miss Maggie* who's house was immaculate and well cared for. We asked her to keep an eye out for her neighbors needs and to let us know if she thought of a way we could help. Then she mentioned that she had just buried her father the day before. I know what it's like to bury a father. I asked if we could pray for her and she gladly let us. We prayed together on the porch thanking God for her father's life and thanking Him for being our comfort and strength. We hugged each other and as we walked away I felt the eyes of the neighborhood watching us make our way down the street.

A small group of men were hanging out in the middle of the street outside of the crack house. As we approached them I watched an elderly man dressed in church clothes step out onto his porch and watch us warily. He lived across the street from the crack house and looked like he could be one of the neighborhood 'elders'.  I smiled at him and we introduced ourselves. Mr. Williams* was very suspicious, almost hostile. "Who are you with?" When I mentioned the Paddocks he softened....a bit. He spoke of the good work they do and that Glen is the 'real deal'.  By the time we said good bye he was smiling but he was still assessing us.

We waved good-bye and went straight across the street to talk to the men outside the crack house. There was an old man sitting on the porch who appeared to be high and two younger men in the street. One man about my age started to walk away and the tattooed young man shifted his eyes and shuffled his feet trying not to make eye contact with me. Mr. Williams stayed on his porch watching us with a serious look on his face. I wondered what he must have been thinking. Did he think we didn't know these guys were drug dealers?

I stuck out my hand to the young man who was probably just a couple years older than my sons, "Hi, I'm Heather." He was clearly uncomfortable and reluctantly took my hand mumbling something. The old man said, "Hello!" loudly from the porch and the other guy started flirting with me as he was walking away down the street. Being a transplanted Yankee I knew how to let that roll off my back and greeted him back with a confidence that must have communicated I wasn't intimidated (even though I was). I explained why were there and asked if they knew of any needs among their neighbors that we could help with. The young guy didn't know what to say but the old man started talking about a church down the street that needed help with it's steeple. "I got baptized there," he told me with a smile as he looked at me through glassy eyes. The irony didn't escape me.Then something incredible happened.

Mr. Williams stepped off his porch and joined our conversation from his curb. He didn't step into the street with us but he started talking about what a great thing the Paddocks were doing for their neighborhood. I got the feeling that this friendly exchange was not the usual interchange between these neighbors.  I suspected most of the communication between these men was a hostile tolerance of the other's presence. Mr. Williams became more animated and warm as he talked about the good we were doing and how it was needed. The young tattooed drug dealer became more uncomfortable and the high old man on the porch agreed with Mr. Williams.  The entire moment felt surreal. What was happening?  And then Mr. Williams stepped past the invisible barrier into the street with us. I realized what was happening, this was a moment of peace. Could Mr. Williams be person of peace?

Our conversation drew to a close and we encouraged the men at the crack house to let us know if they could think of a way we could help their neighbors. Mr. Williams stood there for a moment, smiling, then went home and watched us from his porch. As we walked a way a car pulled up and a business transaction took place between the tattooed young man and the driver. Life seemed to return to normal.

But something had happened in that moment when Mr. Williams crossed that curb and joined us in the street with the drug dealer and his customers.  It was as if the spiritual atmosphere shifted in that exchange of peace. Immediately after that encounter we found two more people of peace. Miss Edna* who works in the school system and asked how she could help mentor or tutor the neighborhood youth. Miss Anne* offered to mobilize the women of the street to identify the needs of their neighbors.  It was what we had prayed for, that God would lead us to people of peace who would open their hearts to bring His transforming hope to their community.


Miss Anne's rotting windows.
She wants to tutor youth in her neighborhood.

We walked back up the street to the House of Dreams waving and smiling at the neighbors we had met. They smiled and waved back. Life went on as it had before we arrived but their was something new in the neighborhood. A seed of hope is growing.

*Names have been changed.

Our family is in a mentorship that culminates with a trip to serve Yemeni refugees in Michigan. Leave a comment if you would like to know more about our trip or if you  feel lead to support our fundraising you can go to this link http://www.sccgo.com/give/support-a-trip/ Scroll down to Go Focus, sign in as guest or as yourself (if you want to claim it as a tax deduction), then select my name from the drop down menu. Thank you for helping us choose compassion!

Choose Compassion Videos - SCC Global Outreach

Choose Compassion Videos - SCC Global Outreach

Lazy Cook: Fake it Till You Make it Red Lentil Dahl

The frugal lazy cook is back in the kitchen. I visited the new Whole Foods recently to make myself feel healthier without any effort. I walked out with a 'bulk' purchase of red lentils because a friend had told me it was both healthy and yummy.

The frugal cook in me was stoked to buy about 3 cups of dried lentils for less than $3. The lazy cook was shocked at the easy instructions (3 cups liquid to 1 cup lentils, bring to boil and simmer for 30-45 minutes). Geez, how easy and cheap is that?!

Then I looked in my fridge and found all sorts of goodies that seemed to go together. I didn't have any real plan just the guidelines for cooking the lentils. So here is my first ever attempt at making dahl (a lentil stew with onions from South Asia). Note: Like most of my recipes use whatever you have on hand. The only important step that can't change is 3 cups liquid to 1 cup lentils.

I love red curry paste and coconut milk.
Hoping it is yummy with these lentils and leeks.

Ingredients:
1 leek thinly sliced or chopped
1 small sweet onion thinly sliced
1/2 to whole sweet pepper (I used yellow) sliced or chopped
2 large carrots thinly sliced
3-5 teaspoons red curry paste
1 cup red lentils
1 can coconut milk
~2 cups broth (combine with coconut milk and add enough broth to equal 3 cups liquid), I used chicken broth I made and froze from a rotisserie chicken  but vegetable would be tasty too.
2 cups fresh spinach (or thawed package of frozen spinach)

Step 1:
Sauté carrots, sweet onion, leeks, yellow pepper, garlic in coconut oil.

Step 2:

This is what it looks like once you add the liquid.

After 3-5 minutes add 2-3 teaspoons red curry paste to pan and toss to coat veggies. Sauté 2 minutes or until the curry aroma starts to rise from the pan.

Step 3:
Add 3 cups liquid, 1 cup red lentils and season with Himalayan pink salt to taste. Cover and bring to boil then simmer about 35-45** minutes until lentils are soft (they will burst like split peas in split pea soup). I followed the directions from the bulk dispenser at World Market to know how to cook the lentils. Add more curry paste to taste a teaspoon at a time if you want a stronger flavor.



Add two handfuls of fresh spinach and let it wilt then stir.

Step 4:
**About 10 minutes to go add spinach and stir in so it wilts.

Step 5:
Serve over pungent Jasmine or Basmati rice.










The Verdict:
When asked if I should make it again my husband said, "Yes. Next time add grilled chicken."  Then I informed him this was my attempt to come up with a satisfying 'meatless' meal so we could try to be like those healthy people we envy who practice a weekly meatless meal. He was only mildly disappointed and said, "I'm okay with that."

Moving Stones: I think my child has a learning disability, what now? Tips and answers from a mom who's been there.

This series of Moving Stones is about getting the stones that litter our field out of the way so our children can grow. Sometimes those stones are learning disabilities and attention differences. These stones can appear to be boulders but with the right tools they can be reduced to pebbles. Here are some questions I'm often asked and resources I've used to help my own and other students.

Disclaimer: These are my opinions. I am not an expert, just a mom who has 3 children with  either Asperger's, learning or attention differences. These opinions are based on what worked for my family and meant to encourage you to find the resources that will work for your family.

Should I have my child tested/diagnosed?
Yes. It's very hard to help our children if we don't have the proper diagnosis. When my son was 7 we had him diagnosed by a child psychologist but the diagnosis was inaccurate. We did not receive the proper diagnosis until he was 10. Those 3 years with the wrong diagnosis meant we were only treating symptoms of the problem and not the source. We made some progress during this time but other things became worse. Once we identified the source of his problems we were able to help him more effectively and began to make real progress.

I home school so I already make accommodations for her, why do I need a diagnosis?
A diagnosis is necessary for a child or an adult to receive the rights afforded to them by the Americans with Disabilities Act.  Your child will not always be at home. If your child is going to go to college or technical school they may need accommodations but if they don't have a diagnosis they may not be entitled to it. Want them to receive special accommodations for the SAT like a test reader or no time limit? You need a documented disability. If your college student needs to have a special test environment they need a diagnosis to get what they need from the college. Without a diagnosis the college does not have to give them what they need and depending on the professor, the school, their funding and resources they may not give it to your child. Which is better: having a tool and never needing it or not having the tool  when you need it?

How do I get my child diagnosed?
My first choice is a child psychologist and very often this is covered by health insurance under mental health coverage. If you are in the Savannah, Georgia area I recommend the Savannah Child Study Center.

• Contact your insurance provider to verify your coverage.
• Talk to other parents of special needs children to get referrals to a psychologist who has a good reputation for diagnosing learning disabilities. 
• Do some homework before you go. Learn about different learning difficulties and observe your own child's specific struggles so you can work with your psychologist to pin point where the glitch is happening.

I recommend Jill Dixon's The Homeschooler's Guide for Learning Problems- Practical Tips For Daily Success. She explains in easy to understand terms the different glitches and what is happening in the brain.  This will help you understand what the psychologist is saying and be able to work with them to come up with a plan to help your child.

She also has a great tool for Verifying Special Needs on her website.

Should I go to the school system to get my child diagnosed or for services?
That is a personal decision. Some homeschoolers are concerned about possible hostility or interference with their decision to home school if they use the public schools for a diagnosis or special needs services.

First it depends on your state because not every state will give these services to homeschoolers. I understand why people may be concerned and this is a decision only you can make for what is right for your family. Talk with other families in your community to see what the climate is like in your neighborhood school. In my community I have not heard of a home school family being 'visited' because they used the school system for special needs help. I've heard of some teachers not being supportive of homeschooling or not understanding why a family chooses that but I have not heard of harassment. I've also heard of wonderful special education teachers helping home school families. I believe it varies from teacher to teacher and school to school.

My opinion is this, if my child needs help then I will get them that help wherever I can get it from. I did not use the school system but I wish I had gotten my children help sooner.  Wisdom and caution are not the same thing as fear. My fear interfered with some of my decisions and a decision based on fear is often not the wisest decision.

I have a diagnosis, now what?



Don't let the simple cover fool you,
these guides transformed my home.

A frequent challenge is that a psychologist will give you a diagnosis but they may not tell you what to do with it to help your child. I bumbled around in the dark for a long time trying to find resources to help me help my kids and then I heard education consultant Jill Dixon speak. Everything changed for me and my ability to help my kids after I discovered her guides. They are easy to understand, not filled with fluff and give real suggestions to use with your child to help them learn!

These are my top 3 tools in my tool box for helping my special needs children:

• The Homeschooler's Guide for Learning Problems-Practical Tips for Daily Success
• The Homeschooler's Guide for Attentional Difficulties-Practical Tips for Daily Success
• The Concise Learning Styles Assessment with Instructional Guide

What other resources do you suggest?
Here are a few I've used with success AFTER I identified their learning style and learning glitch. Identifying these two things is, in my opinion, the most important first steps. Skipping these steps will only lead to frustration.  Below are just a few of the tips I've found in Jill Dixon's guides.  I don't include her tips for Visual Learners because most commonly used curriculum are already designed this way. Very often learning and attention differences are improved by using auditory and tactile approaches.

Note: Test yourself for your learning style also. I've observed that one of the leading factors in frustration between teacher and student is when the teacher has a different learning style than the student. We teach in the same way we learn. Teachers who learn to teach according to the styles of their students find positive results. 

Auditory Learners:

• Leap Frog Videos helped my daughter reinforce the symbol with the sound (she watched it EVERY day for months and months before she finally was able to make a solid connection).
• Alpha Phonics and Phonics Pathways were the most effective tools for my two dyslexic children. It emphasizes word families. AVKO Sequential Spelling is also good.
• Choral Reading is a method where the teacher/parent reads a passage aloud and then the child reads the passage aloud. At first I thought my son might have been reciting what I was saying and not reading but then I realized he really was reading.
• Use flash cards for reading and math- make sure they are saying them aloud. Use a timer with the math facts and keep a record of their time so they can see tangible proof of their improvement.  My daughter recognized her improvement was from regular practice and her regression was from neglecting daily math and not just me nagging.
• Increase reading comprehension by having children 'narrate' the story back to you (they tell you in their own words what they read or heard) or tell the story to their siblings.
• Audio books transformed my daughter's reading ability. The trick is to have them listen AND read along with  the hard copy. I talk more about this in my blog about cultivating a love of reading.

Tactile/Kinesthetic Learners:

• Use manipulatives to teach spelling, word families and math facts/concepts.
• Tactile learners benefit from stimulating their fingertips with different textures. An example of this would be to have them write words or math facts in a tray full of Jell-o mix or sand.
• Help memorize math facts, sight words or letters by pounding golf tees or tacks into a cork board labeled with words.
• Help reading comprehension by having child act out scenes from a story or use Legos to build a scene or characters from the story.
• Build math story problems with Legos or other manipulatives.

Reading Comprehension:
To improve reading comprehension it helps to separate the mechanics of reading from having to comprehend the story. I talk more about that here but the short version is dyslexics brains are wired differently and they must work harder than the average reader just to decode the symbols on a page let alone understand their complex meaning.


Acting out stories is fun &
helps  with comprehension.

• Read stories aloud or use auditory books while children play with legos, clay, paint, or other tactile stimulation.
• Pause to ask them questions about the story as you go.
• Read aloud comprehension questions BEFORE you read the story. Tell children to 'listen' for the answer as you go along. Younger students should only be asked to look for one or two questions at a time, ask questions as you go along through the story.
• Have children act out or draw scenes or thematic concepts from the story.

Encourage Story Telling & Creative Writing:
Read more about how this looks in my house here. By giving kids room to tell their own stories (and listening to them) you will encourage them to want to read other people's stories. Learning to write helps cultivate reading.

• We use Write With the Best because it breaks down the most important aspects of why good writing is good and it has a track record for successfully helping reluctant writers as well as special needs writers. (I've used both Volume 1 & 2, we've re-used them every year for the last 8 years.)
• Cultivate Vocabulary with Roots & Fruits. There are creative and fun reproducible worksheets to make vocabulary 3 dimensional and you can use this book every year (buy it once and your done!). My kids favorite is the Silly Sentence. My son picked a group of characters who he wrote silly sentences about every week using his weekly vocabulary words. The adventures of Alligator, Tiger, Koala and Ewok continue to be one of my favorite memories of home schooling  along with the continuing problems of my daughter's Elf labor union who fought regularly against the injustice of toy and cookie factories. We laughed and they learned.
• Creative writing is a right brain activity but the act of physically writing is left brain. I separated these two activities by having my children dictate their stories to me. This freed up their creative juices from the very difficult task of hand writing, spelling and reading. It built their confidence as writers and made them want to read. (I'm not an advocate of multi-tasking when it comes to learning, especially regarding special needs learners.)

The Best for Last.
Take a deep breath. Let it out. Remember to breath. Now relax. Your children need you to breath and relax. I mean it when I say that everything is going to be alright. Your children will not end up as hobos. You are actively pursuing help one step at a time which makes you the best advocate for your child. You don't have to do this by yourself.

I truly believe it is not my job as a parent to be the expert on everything or do everything myself. My job is to move stones so my children can grow.-









\