So much in common, I supposed.

I'm a clutz. A bonafide, verified, genuine clutz. I don't even have to try to get bruises because they come looking for me. That cartoon where Daffy Duck steps on a 2x4 and gets whacked in the bill. I've done that. I am not really surprised when I get slammed because I've come to expect it even if I don't see it coming.

But sometimes other things happen in life that feel like you just got whacked in the bill by a 2x4 and you are surprised. Brutally, flagrantly surprised. You really don't see it coming and not only did you not see it coming you never even thought it would come.

It happened this morning while I was erasing pages from my daughter's language arts workbook. Being the frugal mom that I am I purchased a used workbook that was adverised on a homeschool site. It said that a few pages had been filled in with a pencil, 'easily erased' it said. I said, 'sold'!  We've had if for several months and I've been erasing the pages as I need them.

Erasing someone elses words seems like a benign task, especially when they've been written lightly on a page by a child. A child that is my own child's age who is also home schooled like my own child. So much in common. A family that chose to school their child like our family did. I enter what I now realize may be a romanticized view of other people in the world. I assume we have so much in common and on the surface we do but then I see it.

I didn't really know what it was I was seeing at first. A child's scrawl over preprinted words on a page, I almost missed it. I started to erase those pencil marks written over a printed word in black and thought nothing of it but something didn't fit. I stopped and peered harder at what I saw.

No, that can't be right? I looked harder. I leaned in to the page really close to make sure my eyes weren't tricking me.

And there it was. Written over the word 'negro' was another word that began with 'n', ended with 'r' but there the similarities ended.

I don't have words to describe fully what I felt. Dismay is the closest word. My heart sank. I was filled with disbelief followed shortly by sadness.

Where did that word come from? How did that child even know the word? Where did they learn to spell it?

I must be cautious not to presume too much. They are strangers to me and there are many influences in a child's life.

It gave me great pause and made me soberly remember the mandate.

Raise up a child in the way he should go and he will not easily depart from it....

Defying Gravity: The pull of matter

My first in a series of essays about resisting the pull of this world.

I would have to say it is the whining that annoys me the most. In fact, annoying is not a strong enough word. Nor is irksome but they will have to do. When I hear that voice say, "Oh, can I have it? I really, really want it. I need it!" my neck gets tense and I have to close my eyes and count to ten before I do something rash. Like whip out my wallet.

I could say my kids whine (don't they all?) but I really have to look out for my own gimme attitude too. Let's face it, the pull of matter is strong. You know matter, it is also known as 'stuff' and it calls my name. How can I expect my kids to stop asking for stuff if I give in to the same material sirens calling to me? Over the years I have learned a few tricks to diffuse the allure of the shiny things at the mall.

Create a commercial desert. For the first 7 years of our marriage we did not have cable. It was one of those cost saving measures we took to keep me from working full time. Eventually we did have cable and we watched all types of nifty, educational and time waster shows. We had it for years. Then we cut it off, mostly. We get the local channels and streaming television and movies with Netflix, Hulu Plus and Youtube through our XBox.Clearly we have no shortage of entertainment but that is for another conversation. After a while I noticed the "gimmes" dramatically decreased from all of us. The secret? Our home is a commercial desert. Streaming services are either advertisement free or they are limited. So instead of my kids being bombarded by toy commercials from Disney clones they have to watch car insurance commercials.


Demagnetize the mall. The mall is a magnet for matter. Pretty obvious I know but let's be honest. Did you even know you needed that combination shiatsu massager seat warmer with bonus smoothie maker from Brookstone before you saw it at the mall? Well, maybe if you are from Wisconsin but I live in sub-tropical Georgia so I really don't need it. We used to hang out at the air conditioned play place weekly when the kids were little and were bombarded by the shiny stuff that lives there. Now we go less than once a month and usually with a plan. Even when I go to window shop with my preteen daughter I have a plan of which stores we will visit to minimize the pull of matter. Which brings me to the third thing I have learned about myself.

Disdain dens of discontent There are some stores that are on my personal no fly list. Primary reason? They make me discontent. This goes deeper than just wanting stuff. I actually become unhappy and lose my ability to choose contentment. I can be walking along enjoying my guilty pleasure (tall coffee with cream and a shot of hazelnut) feeling good about me without a second thought about my hair, make up or outfit when my eyes wander to the one store in the mall that calls out to me more than any other, The Limited. It isn't just the clothes but the image they are selling of a sophisticated, classic beauty that pulls at me. If I walk around that store I start comparing myself to the image they are selling and feel like I come up short. I almost begin to believe the lie that this is the image I want people to see and you know what? It really isn't. I want to be recognized for my heart, compassion, intelligence, creativity and character. When I forget that then I know to put up imaginary police tape around anything that feeds me a lie I will buy.

These are just a few practical choices that work for our family. What about yours? What do you do to resist the pull of matter?

The day after...

Happy day after Resurrection Day!

Can you imagine what it must have been like for Jesus' friends the day after the first Easter? Death has lost it's sting. The despair of a promise destroyed replaced with the hope of a future you never imagined possible.

Mystery, questions, uncertainty still abound but the hope of the truth of Christ brings an anchor to our rocking boat. We may not know with certainty what today or tomorrow may bring. We may not have assurance that our plans will come out as we have planned. But the 'plan' is not what we pin our hopes to. He has proven He is God and He has proven He loves US. Rest there a moment.

He loves you.

So if today brings calamity or if our plans end in what we see as failure the truth does not change.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/92531887@N04/12012616583/in/photostream/

He is God.
He loves me.
He is with me and He has not failed.

This is what I believe and it is the hope I cling to when the sun shines and when the night is dark. Easter has proven it.

I pray we are filled with the supernatural Hope that Christ has given us. I pray our mind is anchored to the Truth that His resurrection has assured. I pray we believe He loves us because what we believe is what we live. And to Him who is eternal be glory and honor forever. Amen.

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:5 

Break Up Lines

Break up lines

come from my lips

applying to the state of us.

"We've drifted apart,"

seems appropriate

but more honestly,

"It's not you, it's me."

You haven't gone anywhere,

Pursuer of my soul,

but I have.

Without going anywhere,

I have.

I feel this way sometimes about God. "Where have you gone?" is the question asked and felt but really I'm asking myself the question. He hasn't gone anywhere. Somewhere I slipped on the slopes of mundane and mediocrity. The everyday living of life without intentionality and purpose leads me to those slopes. Fortunately I don't slip too far off the mountain. It helps that he's holding his staff down to me to pull me back up. Renewed in my heart with the fresh memory of my inability to lead myself rightly I live purposefully and intentionally. Until I slip off the slope again. Usually because I got off his back. There I go again thinking I can lead myself but there he is again ready to carry me.